42 calories, maybe just over. Lately I've felt really sad. The general idea that this is going to be my life is a little upsetting. I'd like to be able to go out with friends and buy food and eat with them, but I just can't...

I'm fasting for 7 days starting now. Food is ruining my life, and I'm going to concentrate on other aspects of my life than the constant
- struggles through meal
- manages 300 cals
- feels guilty
- vomits food
- worries about health all night
I know starving myself is ridiculous, and that I should probably seek help, but I can't admit to everyone how shit I am. I just want to feel okay, and in order to get there, I need to be low for a while. I can't handle eating. I really can't

I ate 355 calories. I made spaghetti (55 calorie total) and had 3 chocolate yogurts (100 calories each) I feel disgusting, and I'm trying not to vomit. I'm drinking a HUGE glass of green tea to keep me calm. My hands have been extremely shakey recently. I'm a bit scared. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my childhood and stuff recently. A part of me wants to work towards recovery, but then, the other half of me, feels like I'm too fat to actually have this problem. I'm so tired, I really need to sleep.